Drugged-Out Musk Swings Chainsaw at CPAC, Vows to Slash Budget and Possibly Universe February 21, 2025September 30, 2025
White House Clarifies: Trump Only Respects Dictators Who Invade Other Countries, Not Ones Who Get Invaded February 20, 2025September 6, 2025
Sean Hannity Becomes Godfather to Trump and Musk in Televised Adoption Ceremony February 19, 2025September 30, 2025
White House Clarifies: Elon Musk Is Not DOGE Head, Just The Guy Who Decides Which Agencies Get Axed February 18, 2025September 6, 2025
U.S. Offers Ukraine A Historic Opportunity to Be Exploited Without Security Guarantees February 17, 2025September 6, 2025
Nuclear Weapons Experts Fired by DOGE, Rehired After 24 Hours of Sheer National Terror February 16, 2025September 30, 2025
‘Free Speech’ Means Repeating ‘Gulf of America,’ White House Declares — AP Journalists Now Enemy of the State February 15, 2025September 5, 2025
Putin and Trump Bond Over World Domination and Deep Mutual Respect, Plan Sleepover in Saudi Arabia February 13, 2025September 5, 2025
Leavitt: “Judges Have No Right to Stop Trump From Ignoring the Law” February 12, 2025September 5, 2025
Google Calendar Removes Pride, Black History, and Women’s Month to Make Room for ‘Don Jr. Awareness Week’ February 11, 2025September 16, 2025
‘Flooding the Zone’ Backfires as Trump Forgets What He Was Distracting From to Begin With February 10, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Names Himself Head of the Arts, Promises To “Bring Back Real Culture Like Rambo and Hooters” February 8, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump’s Project 2025 Execution Leaves America Wondering If He’s Actually Running White House or Speed-Running a Video Game February 7, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Claims Everyone Loves His Gaza Plan, Including ‘Several Arabs’ He Just Made Up February 5, 2025September 16, 2025
Musk Quietly Becomes Unaccountable Ruler of Federal Government While Everyone Was Arguing on Reddit February 4, 2025September 5, 2025
Trump Demands Canada Join U.S., Calls “Suspicious Politeness” a Threat to American Values February 3, 2025September 5, 2025
RFK Jr. Defends Health Credentials with Support from Chiropractors, Conspiracy Theorists, and a Dude Named Chad February 2, 2025September 5, 2025
Trump Supporters Confident Tariffs Will Lower Prices Once Media Stops Reporting Prices February 1, 2025September 3, 2025
OPM Employees Told to “Live In the Building, Breathe the Mission” After Musk Loyalists Move In With Bunk Beds and Soylent January 30, 2025September 3, 2025
Federal Spending Frozen Until Programs Can Prove They’re Not ‘Woke, Gay, or Socialist’ January 29, 2025September 30, 2025
2 Million Feds Offered Full Salary to Quit After Elon Loyalists Mistake Government for a Failing App January 28, 2025September 3, 2025
Trump Declares War on Acronyms: “No Funding Until I Know What They All Stand For” January 27, 2025September 21, 2025
Trump’s New Gulf of Mexico Policy: If It’s Wet and Near Us, It’s Ours January 26, 2025September 2, 2025
No Birthright for You: Trump Declares Being Born ‘Not a Legal Strategy’ January 25, 2025September 2, 2025
Funded by Losers: Trump’s New Library Sponsored by People Who Couldn’t Beat Him in Court January 23, 2025September 2, 2025
Musk Salute Declared ‘Not a Nazi Salute’ After ADL Consults Musk’s Wallet for Clarification January 21, 2025September 2, 2025
Trump Inauguration Looks Like the World’s Most Expensive CEO Summit January 20, 2025September 2, 2025
America Elects 34x Felon in Chief — Left Googles ‘How to Survive 4 More Years’ November 5, 2024September 2, 2025
