Pritzker Tells Trump to Back Off Chicago, Trump Says “That’s What They All Say at First”

CHICAGO — Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker told President Donald Trump on Monday that he was “neither wanted nor needed” in Chicago, warning against a unilateral plan to deploy the National Guard to patrol city streets. Trump, never one to take a hint, replied: “That’s what they all say at first.”

The feud has turned into the nation’s weirdest long-distance spat, with Trump insisting that Chicago had been “begging” him to clean things up—though the only evidence he produced was a hazy anecdote about a woman who “looked very Chicago” and allegedly pleaded with him to save her city.

The showdown escalated after Trump signed an executive order creating “specialized National Guard units” trained to police American cities—or, as critics called it, “the federal version of not taking no for an answer.”

Pritzker blasted the plan as a power grab. Trump countered by calling the governor “a slob who’s playing hard to get,” before suggesting Chicago would “thank him when it’s all said and done.”

Meanwhile, Chicago residents said they’d prefer the president to focus on filling potholes instead of fantasies about “cleaning up” the city. As one local put it: “We already have unwanted guys hitting on us in bars—we don’t need one sending in tanks.”