“Scammers Are Job Creators”: Trump Defends Closing CFPB

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After abruptly shutting down the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, President Donald Trump defended the move by calling scam artists “a misunderstood part of the American dream.”

“Let’s be honest,” Trump said, standing next to a broken ATM full of crypto pamphlets. “Scamming people builds resilience. It’s how you toughen up a population. The weak get fees, the strong get yachts. That’s how it’s supposed to work.”

“You’ve got too much regulation, too many ethics, too many boring people asking questions like, ‘Why is my 20% interest rate now 43%?’” Trump said. “Sometimes people need to learn things the old-fashioned way—by losing all their savings to a bank.”

When asked about the CFPB’s role in returning $20 billion to defrauded consumers, Trump dismissed the figure as “small potatoes” and “frankly, rude to billionaires.”

“Without scams, how would we know who the smart people are?” Trump continued. “It’s like a squid game, but patriotic.”

The president then introduced a new program, “ScamStarter,” described as a federal accelerator for pyramid schemes, pay-to-win banking apps, and inspirational grift coaching.

Trump concluded his remarks with a warning: “If you’re not scamming, you’re getting scammed. That’s just good old-fashioned American business, people…”