Tourists Shocked as Trump-Epstein Statue Melts Away, Revealing Hidden Vault Labeled ‘All the Epstein Files’ September 24, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Announces ‘Operation Shut Up,’ Says Goal Is a Media Landscape That’s “100% Trump-Friendly by Christmas” September 18, 2025September 30, 2025
U.S. Warns Iran: “You Will Never Taste the Free Samples at Costco” September 4, 2025September 30, 2025
Newsmax and Fox News Enter Legal Battle Over Who Gets to Mislead America More Efficiently September 3, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Says Giuliani Deserves Medal of Freedom for “Bravely Taking Honda HR-V Hit Like a Champion” September 1, 2025September 30, 2025
Ashli Babbitt’s Family Scores $5 Million and Full Military Funeral Honors; Netflix Eyeing Limited Series Deal August 28, 2025September 30, 2025
Experts Warn Trump’s ‘Vigilante Portal’ Could Let Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, and Your Uncle Gary Enforce Federal Law August 27, 2025September 30, 2025
Felony Sandwich Attack Prompts National Guard to Secure All D.C. Delis August 13, 2025September 30, 2025
Nebraska GOP Rep Booed for 90 Straight Minutes, Sets New Town Hall Record August 5, 2025September 30, 2025
Uncle Sam Wants YOU to Ruin Families for Cash: $50K Bonus for ICE Recruits Announced July 30, 2025September 30, 2025
Army Vet Arrested in ICE Raid Was “Too Brown to Trust” Claims DHS Spokesperson July 17, 2025September 30, 2025
Bondi Says Epstein Case Is Closed: “Now If You’ll Excuse Me, I’d Like to Talk About These Cucumbers Full of Meth” July 15, 2025September 30, 2025
C-SPAN to Air UFC Fight from White House Lawn, Mike Johnson Named Guest Referee July 5, 2025September 30, 2025
Congress Passes “Big Beautiful Bill,” Poor People to Be Hunted for Sport by 2027 July 3, 2025September 30, 2025
U.S. Bombs Big Holes in Ground, Iran Moves Nukes to Slightly Different Ground June 24, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Says MAGA Base ‘Still in Love’ With Him, Despite Deepening Emotional Abuse June 18, 2025September 30, 2025
Evangelical Assassin’s Friends Say He Was ‘Moral Man’ Who Just Hated Living People June 15, 2025September 30, 2025
“I Can’t Stand It Anymore!”: Musk Finally Snaps, Realizes Trump Isn’t Smart, Funny, or Cool Like Twitter Said June 3, 2025September 30, 2025
Chrisley Knows Best — About Tax Evasion: Trump Grants Pardon to Reality TV Fraudsters May 27, 2025September 30, 2025
Mike Johnson Emerges From Prayer Room Spiritually Renewed, Ready to Gut Medicaid and SNAP May 23, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Breaks Isolationist Streak the Second He Sees Gold Domes, Arabian Stallions, and Oil Money May 15, 2025September 30, 2025
NFL Commissioner Regrets Not Taking Bathroom Break Before Trump’s Alcatraz Monologue Begins May 5, 2025September 30, 2025
Hegseth Cancels “Woke” Program Personally Signed by Trump, Co-Written by Noem, and Praised by Ivanka April 29, 2025September 30, 2025
Grim Reaper JD Vance Denies Role in Pope’s Death: “I Just Say Hi, Then People Die” April 21, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Tariffs Raise Baby Costs as GOP Wonders Why Millennials Refuse to Breed Like Mice April 20, 2025September 30, 2025
Acting ICE Director Says Mass Deportation Will Be “As Efficient as Amazon, But with More Razor Wire” April 18, 2025September 30, 2025
Markets Crash as Trump Introduces Quantum Tariff Theory: “They Exist in All States Until Observed” April 8, 2025September 30, 2025
Democratic Party Pulls All-Nighter to Pretend It’s Awake — With Cory Booker Talking the Entire Time April 1, 2025September 30, 2025
Frozen and Alone, JD Vance Describes Greenland Trip as “Spiritual… in a Jesus-in-the-Arctic Kind of Way” March 28, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Guts Education Department with Group of Field Trip Kids Who Thought They Were Visiting a Museum March 20, 2025September 30, 2025
France Tries to Reclaim Statue of Liberty — Trump Threatens to Replace It with Bronze Bust of Marjorie Taylor Greene March 18, 2025September 30, 2025
Diet Coke Pulled from Danish Shelves Amid Trump Boycott: “It Had a Fascist Aftertaste Anyway” March 17, 2025September 30, 2025
DNC Unveils Resistance Plan: “Hope Bernie Keeps Screaming Into Bullhorn Until Things Cool Down” March 9, 2025September 30, 2025
Fired Park Ranger Labeled “Liberal Leech” After Aunt’s Facebook Post Goes Viral March 8, 2025September 30, 2025
Drugged-Out Musk Swings Chainsaw at CPAC, Vows to Slash Budget and Possibly Universe February 21, 2025September 30, 2025
Sean Hannity Becomes Godfather to Trump and Musk in Televised Adoption Ceremony February 19, 2025September 30, 2025
Nuclear Weapons Experts Fired by DOGE, Rehired After 24 Hours of Sheer National Terror February 16, 2025September 30, 2025
‘Flooding the Zone’ Backfires as Trump Forgets What He Was Distracting From to Begin With February 10, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Names Himself Head of the Arts, Promises To “Bring Back Real Culture Like Rambo and Hooters” February 8, 2025September 30, 2025
Federal Spending Frozen Until Programs Can Prove They’re Not ‘Woke, Gay, or Socialist’ January 29, 2025September 30, 2025
