Trump Admin Argues Over Semantics While Wrongfully Deported Father Sits in Foreign Prison

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning display of linguistic gymnastics, the Trump administration spent the week parsing the difference between “facilitate” and “effectuate” while Kilmar Abrego Garcia—a wrongfully deported father of two—remains imprisoned in El Salvador’s infamous mega-prison for suspected gang members.

Despite a judge’s order—affirmed by the Supreme Court—requiring the administration to “facilitate and effectuate” Abrego Garcia’s return by April 7, officials have opted instead to facilitate vigorous debates about what those words even mean.

White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt told reporters Friday, “We were told to facilitate his return, which we are doing by…talking about it. ‘Effectuate’ wasn’t in my notes, so we’re not legally bound to do that either.”

The administration has assured the public that Abrego Garcia is “alive and secure” in a foreign prison, which, they claim, technically fulfills the “he’s not dead” portion of the order.

Meanwhile, Garcia’s wife and children remain in Maryland, anxiously awaiting a government that appears more concerned with playing dictionary lawyer than correcting what it has admitted was an “administrative error.”

At press time, officials insisted they remained “deeply committed to doing something… eventually,” pending further lexical review.