Trump and EU Celebrate Trade Deal That’s 15x Worse Than Old Deal

EDINBURGH — The United States and European Union struck a “historic” trade agreement Sunday that raises tariffs from 1% to 15%, with both sides hailing the deal as a breakthrough despite it being mathematically fifteen times worse than what existed before Trump started meddling.

“Fifteen percent is a beautiful number,” Trump declared from his golf course balcony, flanked by Eric and Don Jr. in matching tartan pants. “We were at one percent, which was horrible. Now we’re at fifteen—huge win!”

The deal, struck at Trump’s Turnberry golf course in Scotland, narrowly avoided the 30% to 50% tariffs the White House had been threatening—a fact economists described as akin to “applauding a house fire because only one floor burned.”

European Commission chief Ursula von der Leyen praised the new “predictability” of higher costs, while German industry leaders bluntly warned the rate would “have immense negative effects” on exports.

Critics on both continents questioned why the end of manufactured chaos was being framed as success. “People are cheering because the disaster Trump threatened didn’t happen—not because this deal is good,” one U.S. trade analyst noted.

Trump, however, remained upbeat. “It’s the biggest deal ever made,” he said, moments before returning to promote his new Scottish golf course.