Trump Escapes to Golf Course as Tariff Fallout Spreads: “I Call This the Trickle-Down Tee-Off”

PALM BEACH — As the stock market posted its third straight day of panic selling and economists warned of a potential global recession, President Trump spent Friday morning serenely teeing off at his private Florida golf club, pausing only to post an all-caps message on Truth Social: “HANG TOUGH! THE BALL ALWAYS COMES BACK ON THE NEXT HOLE!!!”

Dressed in his signature red MAGA hat and white polo, Trump appeared unfazed by the mounting fallout from his sweeping new tariffs. “It’s called the Trickle-Down Tee-Off,” Trump explained, watching Eric narrowly dodge a divot with the golf cart. “You let the markets panic first, then the money trickles back up to smart people like me.”

Back in Washington, the White House defended the president’s outing, calling it “a necessary break after a long, hard-working week.” Meanwhile, Trump was set to cap the evening with a candlelit dinner hosted by MAGA Inc.

At press time, the MAGA Inc. dinner was running late after Eric accidentally drove the golf cart into a sand trap. “Dammit, Eric!” Trump was seen yelling. “These are the richest people I know!”