Trump: Gabbard Mistaken on Iran Nukes, Should’ve Checked With Me Before Speaking

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a swift act of disowning the very person he appointed to interpret global threats, President Donald Trump declared Friday that Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard was “wrong” in her previous assessment that Iran wasn’t actively building nuclear weapons.

“She should’ve checked with me first,” Trump told reporters while descending the steps of Trump Force One. “You can just tell from the uranium. It’s very nuclear-ish, very enriched, very dangerous.”

Gabbard, who testified under oath in March that U.S. intelligence found no evidence Iran was pursuing a nuclear warhead, is now reportedly “reviewing the definition of ‘intelligence'” after the president flung her testimony into the same void where his tax returns live.

Sources inside the White House say Gabbard had not cleared her March testimony with Trump beforehand—a breach of the administration’s long-standing policy of “Verify everything with Daddy.”

Trump later clarified that his issue wasn’t with Gabbard personally, just her decision to form a coherent thought outside of his gravitational pull.

“I still like Tulsi,” Trump said. “She surfs, she’s from a beach, I like that. But sometimes you hire someone to agree with you, and then they start reading documents. That’s when problems start.”

At press time, Gabbard was seen quietly updating her resume under the name “Tara Gabson” and Googling “how to resign from a position you were never really allowed to hold.”

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