Trump Honors Christopher Columbus With 30-Foot Statue of Him Punching a Liberal Arts Professor

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Declaring it “the most beautiful and accurate statue ever made,” President Trump on Monday unveiled a 30-foot bronze monument of Christopher Columbus landing an uppercut on a liberal arts professor—an artistic statement the White House described as “a tribute to courage, discovery, and the ability to silence critics with one clean hit.”

The statue—officially titled Columbus Strikes Back—was commissioned after Trump’s new Columbus Day proclamation, which praised the explorer as “the bravest man to ever sail the seas.”

The statue, funded by a private coalition of “heritage investors,” stands outside the Smithsonian’s new Hall of Trumpian History. In Trump’s remarks, he praised Columbus as “the first explorer to truly love America before it even existed,” adding that the piece “captures his strength, his faith, and his perfect right hook.”

The professor in the statue is unnamed, though observers noted he clutches an essay titled Context Matters. Trump described him as “a leftist complainer—very typical, very negative energy, always fact-checking things that don’t need to be fact-checked.”

While critics described the monument as “bizarre Renaissance cosplay,” the White House insisted it symbolizes “the triumph of discovery over discourse.” The event concluded with Secretary of Education Linda McMahon torching a pile of history books in celebration.