Trump Says Giuliani Deserves Medal of Freedom for “Bravely Taking Honda HR-V Hit Like a Champion”

MANCHESTER — President Donald Trump announced Monday that Rudy Giuliani will receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom, citing the former mayor’s “tremendous bravery” in being rear-ended by a Honda HR-V while doing nothing in particular.

“Not many people could survive a Honda—very tough brand, very powerful. Rudy took it like a champion,” Trump boasted on Truth Social, adding that Giuliani’s vertebra “probably broke in the shape of an eagle.”

Giuliani, still recovering in the hospital, released a statement through his spokesman declaring the award “a victory for truth,” before immediately billing the nurses $20,000 for “legal consulting.”

Critics note that the Medal of Freedom has historically been reserved for figures like Rosa Parks and Mother Teresa. Trump, however, dismissed the comparison: “Mother Teresa never got rear-ended in a Bronco. Very low energy nun.”

Sources say the official ceremony will include a slide show of Giuliani’s greatest hits, from dripping black hair dye to accidentally holding a press conference at Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Rumors suggest the medal itself may be dipped in motor oil in Rudy’s honor.

“This is the highest recognition for a man who fought voter fraud, broke his spine, and still manages to sweat like a busted radiator,” Trump said. “Truly heroic.”