Trump Says ‘the Devil’s Ideology’ Killed Charlie Kirk, Urges Americans to ‘Pray the Woke Away’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Speaking at what was billed as a “solemn tribute” but quickly devolved into a tent revival, President Trump on Tuesday blamed “the Devil’s ideology” for the death of conservative influencer Charlie Kirk and called on Americans to “pray the woke away before it’s too late.”

“Charlie didn’t die in vain,” Trump declared, flanked by an enormous cross, two flamethrowers, and a choir from Liberty University. “He was taken by dark forces—Satan, socialism, and sometimes soy. We’re up against pure evil here, people—radical left evil, at its worst.”

During the ceremony, Trump posthumously awarded Kirk the Presidential Medal of Freedom for his martyrdom. Aides then unveiled a 20-foot portrait of Kirk ascending toward heaven on an American flag shaped like a dollar sign.

The event concluded with Trump leading the audience in a mass prayer to “cast out woke demons,” which he described as “thirsting for the nation’s soul.”

Trump closed the prayer with a pledge to “deport the Devil to Sweden… where he belongs,” moments before pitching limited-edition Trump Holy Water for $49.99 a bottle.