Trump Slaps $10B Lawsuit on Wall Street Journal, Claims Epstein Letter Is “Deepfake from Hell”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Calling it “the worst forgery since Obama’s birth certificate,” President Trump filed a $10 billion lawsuit against the Wall Street Journal Friday for publishing a birthday letter he allegedly sent to Jeffrey Epstein.

The letter, typewritten and signed, included the phrase “may every day be another wonderful secret,” alongside a crude Sharpie sketch of a naked woman. Trump denies ever writing it, calling it “a deepfake from hell—probably written by some radical-left lunatic, but definitely not me…”

White House officials say the president became “visibly disturbed” upon seeing the letter, before shouting, “GET MY LAWYERS ON THE PHONE, NOW!”

In his lawsuit, Trump claims the WSJ’s report was “maliciously crafted to make him look like a pervert” and that Epstein was “barely even a pen pal, let alone someone worthy of original marker art.”

Trump’s team also claims the letter’s font should’ve raised red flags. “Everyone knows the president prefers Georgia, not Times New Roman,” one aide noted.

At press time, Trump was seen screaming at his legal team to “sue the font, sue the marker, sue whoever invented birthdays!” before storming off to his study with a stack of stationery and a Sharpie “to prove a point.”