Trump Tells UN He’s “Right About Everything” — Even Giorgia Meloni Looks Like She Wants Earplugs

NEW YORK — United Nations delegates endured an hour-long hostage situation Tuesday disguised as a speech, in which Donald Trump proclaimed himself “right about everything” while denigrating the very institution hosting him.

The performance, equal parts campaign rally and autobiography, featured Trump reminding the world that he “solved so many wars” but never got a thank-you card, and that climate change was “invented by stupid people who hate me.”

Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni—herself no stranger to right-wing theatrics—was photographed looking like a woman trapped at karaoke night while the same drunk guy keeps picking Bon Jovi. “When Meloni makes that face, you know the cringe has reached biblical proportions,” said one delegate.

Translators reported psychological whiplash, with one collapsing after being forced to render the phrase “London is going sharia” into Finnish. Interpreters in the back row allegedly started a drinking game, taking a shot every time Trump said “believe me”—a move medics later called “a mistake.”

“Your countries are going to hell,” Trump concluded, leaving behind the faint smell of hairspray, grievance, and a thousand diplomats quietly wondering why they didn’t bring earplugs.