White House to Replace African American History Museum With “Founding Fathers Funplex”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Declaring the nation “ready to move on from all the sad parts,” President Trump announced plans Saturday to replace the Smithsonian’s African American History Museum with a patriotic entertainment venue called the “Founding Fathers Funplex.”

Designed to be “fun for the fact-averse family,” the new complex will feature attractions such as the Boston Tea Party Flume Ride, the Colonial Self-Reliance Obstacle Course, and an immersive 3D theater experience called The Day Slavery Ended and Everything Was Fine.

“The problem with the current museum is that it focuses too much on suffering,” explained Vice President J.D. Vance. “History should be inspirational, or at the very least, distractingly loud.”

The museum’s closure marks a stark reversal from Trump’s 2017 visit, when he praised the institution as “a national gem.” Asked about the shift, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt said, “The president’s views have evolved—mainly because people started calling history ‘woke.’”

At press time, a proposed Kids Zone called “Separate But Equal Playland” had been scrapped, though insiders say a Hall of Founders exhibit—with animatronic figures speaking vaguely about freedom—remains on track.