Whitmer Condemned for Not Jumping into Lake Michigan to Avoid Being on Camera with Trump

HARRISON TOWNSHIP — Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer is under fire this week for failing to hurl herself into the nearest body of water to avoid being photographed next to President Trump during a major announcement at Selfridge Air National Guard Base.

A vocal faction of online Dems were enraged after footage showed Whitmer standing near Trump as he delivered news that the base—long at risk of closure—would receive new fighter jets, effectively saving 30,000 Michigan jobs.

“She should’ve thrown a smoke bomb and vanished,” said one furious Reddit user. “Or faked a seizure. Or commandeered a tank and driven it through the press tent. Anything but stand there.”

The governor, who had lobbied both the Biden and Trump administrations to protect the base, was apparently ambushed when Trump unexpectedly summoned her onstage. Rather than leap into Lake Michigan or scream “YOU’RE A FELON”, Whitmer made a brief statement praising the economic benefits of the announcement.

“She has betrayed the resistance,” tweeted a blue-wave account with six Ukrainian flags and a Biden-Harris profile pic. “You don’t make eye contact with evil. You spit at it.”

Whitmer’s office later issued a statement clarifying she had no intention of cooperating with Trump beyond the bare minimum required to govern a state in this particular timeline.