World Leaders Compete to Nominate Trump for Nobel Peace Prize in Game Known as “Who Wants Military Aid?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — What began as a symbolic gesture has quickly spiraled into a global frenzy, as leaders around the world race to nominate President Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize—mostly in hopes he’ll stop yelling at them long enough to approve a missile shipment.

The competition intensified this week when Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu hand-delivered a nomination letter during a private dinner, praising Trump’s “commitment to peace” while also asking if he could borrow a few bunker busters “just to be safe.”

The Nobel sweepstakes began weeks ago, when Trump hosted a peace deal between Rwanda and the DRC, then immediately forgot which country was which during the handshake. Pakistan threw in a nomination shortly after—then retracted it when Trump bombed Iran three days later.

The White House insists the praise is genuine, calling Trump “the single most peaceful president currently deploying Marines on domestic soil.” Critics say the nominations feel more like strategic offerings to a sun god with an arms catalog.

Trump, for his part, says he’s “the most peaceful wartime leader since maybe Julius Caesar,” and has already begun clearing space on his shelf between two fake TIME Magazine covers.

At press time, the Nobel Committee confirmed it was reviewing Trump’s eligibility, along with the definition of the word “peace.”