Young Republicans To Rebrand As “The Even Younger Republicans,” Claim No Relation

NEW YORK — Facing widespread backlash over a leaked chat full of racist and antisemitic messages, the New York Young Republicans announced plans Friday to officially rebrand as The Even Younger Republicans—a move insiders say was inspired by Vice President JD Vance’s defense that the offenders were merely “kids being kids.”

Acting chair Chad Reagan, 21, said the rebrand “marks a new beginning for the party’s youth wing—one that’s spiritually younger, legally adult, and emotionally feral.”

Under new bylaws, membership will now be restricted to those aged 18 to 25, a range chosen specifically “to help JD Vance defend us more convincingly next time.”

“Our members are just children at heart,” Reagan explained. “Children who can rent cars, hold office, and apparently say whatever they want as long as JD Vance keeps calling them kids.”

GOP leaders praised the rebrand as “a responsible step forward,” while Vance doubled down, reminding critics that “everyone says stupid things in their early twenties—especially when they’re working on congressional campaigns.”

At press time, the Even Younger Republicans  were reportedly workshopping new slogans, including “Too Old To Know Better, Too Young To Care” and “Kids Say the Darnedest Slurs.”